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It was bound to happen [14 May 2007|10:38am]

Is it weird that I'm 28 and three of my significantly-younger exes are married already?

One of them, whom I haven't been in touch with since some drama happened a couple of years ago, decided to add me as a Flickr contact the other night, and her account is full of photos of getting married on the beach in Hawaii. Kind of a classy move, I thought.

(Hi, this is me, putting off work and wondering how the other brokedown kids are. I'm not really dating, still hanging out in the mostly-great LTR.)
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The Game [20 Feb 2007|02:18pm]

For Valentine's Day this year, my beautiful girlfriend alicetiara gave me a copy of The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists.

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[02 Jan 2007|01:38pm]

Ed report: I like him. He called at midnight on New Year's. He took Friday off and spent it with me.

But he's a lot like Eric in terms of his approach to life: regimented and high-achieving. More importantly, he hasn't been exactly effusive with the compliments. Maybe he's just warming up? I did find out that he is just out of a relationship (apparently it was in the "death throes" when he started corresponding with me) with someone who was emotionally closed off... I don't know. I feel like maybe I'm judging him too quickly but I also don't want to waste any more time on withholders.

Both Denise and Laura Bee suggest seeing other people.

(How do I keep finding these Computer Science guys? I was a freakin' bleeding heart Russian Literature major! I'm a romantic cheeseball!)

How do I screen for emotional expressiveness? It's been a month.
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[19 Dec 2006|10:26am]

If you've just started going on dates with someone, is it okay to get them something little for Xmas? I found a portable Scrabble that uses an hourglass (and you shake the letters). And a Hipster Handbook. Those are casual gifts, no? We're going out to dinner on Wednesday

Also, is it bad to casually ask about NYE? I assume he is busy, but he may be assuming that I'm busy.
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[12 Dec 2006|09:52am]

So, health issues aside, the guy from Thanksgiving (who I never kissed) wants to visit Boston this weekend. Ed (35 year old is away), but I'm bringing him to Barbarian on Thursday. Do I let Thanksgiving guy visit if I'm not too physical with either of them? (Finally kissed Ed). It seems sorta fickle if things start to progress with Ed, but on the other hand, it may be too early to close out other options.

Ed did make his Friendster profile private after he added me. That's either flattering, or maybe he has a divorcee or illegitimate child someone in cyberspace. Or maybe it's simply a new twist in the online world.
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[01 Dec 2006|10:38am]

since last year, i must have hit a new dating age bracket, as now 56 year olds and 47 year olds are writing me on Nerve.com. 31 is too old for the hotties, I guess. I know my dad said older guys can be better, but really...
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[30 Nov 2006|11:52am]

Should I write a thank you to my date (since he paid and he’s cute) or will I seem overeager?
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[29 Nov 2006|09:54am]

Has anyone ever been sad before a first date? Is this a sign that I shouldn't go?

No more Damien Rice for me.

I don't want someone who doesn't love me. Or who can't say that he loves me. So what's my problem?

I don't know if my reluctance stems from a loss of confidence, a lack of interest, a lack of readiness, or simply a dislike of the idea that I am going back out there.
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[28 Nov 2006|12:52pm]

You know a younger guy from the entertainment industry likes you when he compares your smile to "the addictive quality of Jennifer Love Hewitt's." Ewww.
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[28 Nov 2006|09:12am]

testing. let's resurrect this site, even though married people maintain it.
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eHarmony [28 Feb 2006|09:14pm]

[ mood | confused ]

So I signed up for eHarmony and went through their 1,000,000 step questionnaire.

At the end, I get this:

"Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched. This occurs for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply will not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time."

WTF? I'm unmatchable. I'm officially too weird for the population. Nice. That makes me feel special. And not the good kind...more like, "Does that helmet fit okay, Timmy? Let me wipe away your drool."

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[28 Dec 2005|11:12am]

A MySpace message I received about 30 minutes ago:

hi am a 25 white male single and looking to meet some one i work for myself am also a firefighter/emt been working a lot havet had munch free time so now am makeing some to meet somebody am a good guy to sweet sometimes i use to be a cop but what can i say i like it HOT well hope to here back from you se ya

Um, yeah.

About 10 minutes later this was in my inbox:

Hello Sweetie,
My name is xxxx ... I read your profile and I;m very intrested in getting to know you also. I;m from scotland originated why my mom From African Continent {Motherland} and have lived here all my life and some years in state too, before being back home. I;m a single parent. I work as a Computer IS software Programmer. I;m an active member in my church and attend service weekly. I;m a Man that knows what I want and how to get it. I;m very intelligent and can hold a decent conversation. (REALLY?) I;m looking for a Woman that knows what he wants and can get it. I;m looking for a Woman that know respect, honesty, and truth. I;m looking for not just a Good Woman, God fearing but the Best Woman. I want to know a Woman that wants to have a beautiful family one day. A Woman that wants to find true love and wants to be in love. I;m not into playing games with people and I;m very sharp and articulate with spotting people that are. I;m allergic to drama so I stay far away from it. I wan t a Woman that want to travel and see new thiings. I;m not into the clubs and I dont smoke and I;m pretty much looking for someone that is the same. Now don;t get me wrong I;m a very fun person and can make fun of any situation. I;m just looking for everything I need in one Woman. Ok I;m done for now and I;m turning the table back on you... If I still sound like someone that you want to know then by all means let me know, I may have what you need. Hope you had a Good Day and I hope to chat with you soon. If you have Yahoo then you can also reach me on xxxx there if your still intrested my email is xxxxxx (UM, YEAH, YOU JUST GAVE ME YOUR EMAIL EARLIER IN THIS SAME SENTENCE), i look forward to hear from you soonest.

I liked that he was from Scotland, but not the whole 'being a complete moron' thing. Is this what my fortune cookie meant when it said "romance will come into your life in a most unusual way"?
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Yet another myspace perk... [22 Dec 2005|09:17pm]

New Messages!

"Hello, How are you doing? I am new on here. Besides reading this email, please look at my profile to learn more about me. My name is Jim, and I am a single white male 33 years old. My birthday is May 4, 1972. I am also a very submissive somewhat experience in the Bondage/BDSM lifestyle. I live in the Monroeville area of Pittsburgh Pa. But I do travel as often as I can, and I travel to parts of Oh, WV, and Pa. I spend a lot of time also in the Erie/Meadville area of Pa. My description is that I am 6’3” and I weigh right now around 280. As my weight goes, I use to weigh 425, but had Gastric Bypass Surgery on Feb 17, 2005. I keep loosing weight everyday. My goal weight is 220 pounds. I only got 60 pounds to go. I also got short black hair, and blue eyes. I do wear glasses. I also tend to be very romantic, passionate, adventurous, sensual, erotic, exotic, loyal, sexual and open-minded. My hobbies include camping, hiking, the outdoors, movies, shopping, making love under the stars, sharing a sunrise and sunset, long passionate kissing, hours of cuddling and snuggling, long devoted foreplay and after-play, giving and receiving massages, and if things if you desire spending time with you. I am not looking for a one nightstand; I am looking for something more, or someone more. I am open to have a Long-Term-Relationship, but it doesn’t have to turn into that, we could just be friends and lovers, or friends with benefits, or even just friends. I also believe age is just a number; I can be reached by email or instant message on AOL at [xx] or on Yahoo at [xx]. I hope that you decide to respond to this and consider talking further to me about our chances of meeting and having a great time together. Thanks again, Jim Ps, please remember to check out my profile and my photo. I do need someone to take some more of me since I lost weight. I have a Digital camera and will travel to either take photos or haven them taken of me. Ps, as a submissive I have few limits and pretty open to do all. I am searching for the right Princess/Queen to worship and pamper. To put on a Pedistal and have me treat you like a woman should be treated. I also got a webcam that I can use to serve as well. Please respond."
Myspace perks
[yes, I believe it's a turtle.]
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Terlet [18 Nov 2005|06:01pm]

Alright so you might not think this is so brokedown, but hear me out: until [relatively] recently I've been with the same woman for a fucking decade, okay? That's 10 years. 10 years of no dating at all, being faithful, getting married, sex waning, interest waning, depression mounting, then getting divorced. My 20's flushed down the terlet. The reason I bring this up is to demonstrate my serious lack of game. I mean it's like so not there. In fact, I don't even know what that concept really is, only that people refer to it and that there's this Doug Liman/Vince Vaughn movie Swingers that attempts to describe it.

Anyway I met someone on Halloween, and we got along great... got her number, called the next week, talked at a club with mutual friends, then made a date for the next week. Date went great (I thought at least), small kiss goodnight at the end, feeling elated, etc. Then, we saw each other again with friends at a club but didn't make plans (she had to work the next day). This week I text her saying I have extra tickets to a show with my friend... but she couldn't go due to something. So I call again yesterday. No answer, so I left a message. But I can't help wondering if she's in to me or not... like I know it's just a day, but no call back or anything. And now I'll feel like an ass if I call again over the next few days. During the date and before I could feel she was interested, but now I dunno.

Advice would be greatly appreciated. She rocks, and I don't want to either be too aloof or too pesky. I mean, I'm 10 years rusty okay? Maybe if you give me some great advice I'll have something truly brokedown to post and laugh at years later. I forgot how agonizing this can be, but shit... it's also pretty fun when I'm not being an OCD retard freak on wheels. And before you say it, NO I am not always that way.
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Dating in Public: Subway Sex. [29 Oct 2005|10:46am]

Here’s a first post from a soon to be popular new series Dating in Public. All the facts below are true along with any resemblance with anybody you know.

The A subway from the John Jesse exhibit midtown to west fourth was a little packed and we were having such a good time. Dates with many people around are very exciting, especially with those erotic drawings in mind. I was murmuring something about sex to her ear and being maybe just a little too personal with hands in all the interesting places.

In a tight crowd nobody notices. And in New York nobody cares, except those perverts that get excited and are picturing beautiful tender things happening between two boys, girls or any combination thereof. What are they thinking these dirty people?!

The crowd dissipates around Thirty Fourth street and we sit down towards the end of the subway car on a two person seat. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a short and arrogant man jumps and attempts a monologue with a well dressed man sitting across.

“Have you seen what these fucking people are doing? They are fucking fucking! That’s totally inappropriate. They should be fucking fucking in bed. My wife and I fuck in bed. Fucking unacceptable. They are fucking talking about sex. Fucking children could fucking hear or see this. Fucking people.”

Me: bewildered. I don’t like to upset people. Her: amused.

The well dressed gentleman changes his smile into a serious grin and jumps into the conversation in our defense: “You really need to get laid.” … “Sir, do you think that your language is acceptable for those children that might hear you shouting across the entire subway?”. The nice man sounds completely gay and well mannered. He also mentions something like “Good for them.”

“I am from Puerto Rico! Me and my wife fucking fuck at home. Fucking people. No respect.” The man strategically moves towards the door. “Fuckers. Do it in your bed. Fucking fuck.”

The huge black woman sitting on the right is holding herself from laughing. So is about half the subway. Everybody is having a good time now.

Her: “Does this guy know he’s trying to convince the homosexual man that we are having an incorrect heterosexual behavior?”. Me: holding myself from laughing out loud. I still don’t like to upset people.

The punch line comes as the doors open on Fourteenth Street. The man steps out of the car, turns his head back, and just before the doors close shouts something that makes me genuinely happy about living in New York: “Asshole!”
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Baltimore breeds badness [18 Oct 2005|10:17pm]

well it's been a long time since I've posted anything lewd in this little LJ zone but alas the time has returned when I am performing obscene sex acts that deserve posts. Now that I have a picture up I am a little hesitant to be too explicit since I'm no longer totally anonymous but I will at least bring to you a giggle. This weekend while in Baltimore having my boob touched up by my plastic surgeon I had a little visitor come to see how my surgery went. In celebration of my avoiding death during anesthesia we decided to go out for a night on the town. Because I am not yet married and stay in my mom's house when I have visitors all visitors are required to stay in a separate bedroom from me while I share a bed with my mom. This is actually nothing unusual. Russian Jews are this way. So anyhoo, we had a couple of drinks at Club Charles, and realized that while it was early, I had taken a pain killer, and it was time to make out. I only knew of one place to go. This of course was the cemetery- the cemetery by my house. My excuse was that there are cute swans and geese that hang out there and it would be a nice way to close the night. Well, when you put two people in a dark cemetery together at night who like to make out with each other, well, things happen. For his generosity,my visitor won himself a blow job. I have to say it was pretty hot. I felt like I was in a horror movie where after having sex, someone kills you. After things calmed down a bit I happened to look up and see a police car swiftly entering the cemetery lot and freaked out. "We have to go. Get dressed." So we pull our clothes back on, hop in the front seat and proceed to drive out. We see a car drive up on the left side and pretend to be watching deer. Well to wrap up, the cops stopped us. They took our id's, I explained that my dad lives around the corner and we confessed that we hadn't been taking any drugs. I felt like I was 15 again. Not to mention I was wearing some Junior sized jeans I bought from TJ Maxx for 9.99. I think they were laughing at us.
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Say NO to Feminism! [10 Oct 2005|09:43am]

Here's an interesting post about dating from our Russian-speaking friens: http://www.livejournal.com/users/deathshot/38379.html - I'll translate.

First, the sign. It says: Feminism will be stopped! The man pays on a date.

I am deeply disturbed by the concept of going Dutch, when a young man invites a young girl for a date, and even when the girl invites a young man on a date, and they either pay separately.

How can one then feel like a man?

Let’s not find more ways of giving women the opportunity to say that men are a dying breed and that the male, the real one, is now among the endangered species.

Not only shall we pay on dates, but will do a few more things that belong to true Men with a capital M.

- Make compliments
- Offer flowers
- Kiss hands
- Give up our seats to ladies (“a simple vulgar woman” needs not to qualify :-)
- Open doors and let women in first
- Carry women across puddles of water
- Drive women back home and accompany to the door
- Carry her bags
- Allow her to kindly refuse our gentleman ways. Maybe she’s a feminist and will get upset if we insist?
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research [25 Sep 2005|11:18pm]

I am doing research on Dating Theories and I had to post this link because it is hell of awesome. Basically the site reads like it was written by an alien doing an ethnographic study on humans. There are also a lot of Visio diagrams.


A good starting point is the (outlined!) Dating Tips section. Another excellent resource is the "Translating English to Love Economics" section. ("We are in love" = "Our net benefits exchange is at equilibrium.")

Break-Up Advice to Reduce Your Risk of Being Dumped

1. Make sure lover's net benefit with you is larger than competing love.
2. Keep lover's search cost for another love high by limiting his/her social network size.
3. Lower lover's attractiveness by undermining his/her financial success.
4. Keep lover's maintenance cost with you lower than competing love.
5. Lower lover's risk of being dumped by confessing your love often.
6. Show commitment using a promise or engagement ring.
7. Become jaded. Grow thick skin and get a heart of stone. Become immune to being dumped.
8. Pursue people who are shy, unattractive, or unwanted.

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So brokedown that it's not even 'dating' [17 Sep 2005|03:20pm]

Sten is another of the teachers. He is a poet. I see him in the teacher's lounge (YES! THE TEACHER'S LOUNGE!) every morning and we sort of say hi and exchange our teaching experiences before we rush off to class. Sten is very svelte-looking, the type who bikes to school, is somewhat metrosexual and very "sensitive," spent the past seven years traveling and working at farms and teaching English mostly in China. He is of the privileged-hippie-white-kid-who-tries-to-save-the-world-by-being-starving-male-poet tribe. I ran into enough of those back in college, so I haven't made much effort to put myself in a position to hear any of what I suppose are a million radical rants up his 60s-tunic-purchased-on-Ko-San-Road-in-Bangkok sleeve.

"Hey, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind giving me a ride back to my place since my ride is about to leave," he asks me mid-way into the potluck.

"Sure." Oh, naive, trusting, gullible Eagle Eye.

Read more...Collapse )
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[14 Sep 2005|01:16am]

a couple of years ago I thought up a game to liven up a dull night at the bar. I called it "let's try and figure out who in here is into really freaky sex" not bullshit spanking and handcuffs type freaky. The real shit. the type of sex that you cry about later after spending an hour scrubbing yourself raw in the shower. Everyone else was like, "i dunno, noone here looks that freaky". Which was the whole point, but I was having trouble getting that across. Finally someone says "well that girl over there looks kinda goth-y, maybe she's into freaky stuff" It was like showing a dog a card trick...they look amazed, but they don't even understand the concept of cards, much less tricks...What I was too drunk to explain at the time was something known as fundamental attribution error.

In attribution theory, the fundamental attribution error (sometimes referred to as the actor-observer bias, correspondence bias or overattribution effect) is the tendency for people to over-emphasize dispositional, or personality-based, explanations for behaviors observed in others while under-emphasizing the role and power of situational influences on the same behavior. In other words, people tend to have a default assumption that what a person does is based more on what "kind" of person he is, rather than the social and environmental forces at work on that person. This default assumption leads to people sometimes making erroneous explanations for behavior. This general bias to over-emphasizing dispositional explanations for behavior at the expense of situational explanations is much less likely to occur when people evaluate their own behavior.

Basically this is why you never want to hit on that really sweet person who's so cute and nice and adorable and makes you think of puppies and kittens when you see them. When and if you do finally "make love" (missionary,under the covers with the light out) it's always a bit of a surprise when they yell out in a scary exorcist voice for you to punch them in the throat as hard as you can.

but if you take the actor-observer bias into account, and ignore the social and environmental forces at play, all of a sudden it's a whole new ballgame. You spot someone from across the room, they may look all sweet and shy and nice, but they might as well have walked in the bar with the belt already around their neck.

not that this has anything to do with my current dating life...but you never know, things might pick up soon.
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